moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
