We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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