So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found puke in my bra..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
