He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
