She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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