The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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