btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
