my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
