just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
