You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize