Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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