So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
