I faked an abortion last night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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