I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
