There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
