please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
