I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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