I hate your face
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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