you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
