Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
