I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
