Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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