I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
