True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
