You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
