you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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