I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
