I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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