I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
