And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
