i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
smell my finger.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
