hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
