i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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