Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
