what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
