I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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