Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
