Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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