if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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