Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
