Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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