Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
