I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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