You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
be right there i have to get my cape
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
