when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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