Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
