i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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