All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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