my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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