Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
