Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
