also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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