I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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