yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
