high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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