she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
