I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
