We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
