I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
