1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She told me I should be a condom model.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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