Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
