I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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