I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
