i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need water and some morals
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
