Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
