I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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