I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
