what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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