You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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